A special kind of reminder for the special kind of people

This blog is for Mr. Jason Fendi aka no longer Jason but Fendi, yeah just Fendi

Dear Fendi,

Hey, how are you? I'm alright, I'm just sitting here watching Run's House and it's about negative 30 degrees in my room. Anyways, just wanted to write to you since you deleted me off myspace. I would text but I did that and I didn't get a response. Anyways, that's besides the point. What's up? Does this seem cliche? Just a tad, yeah? I don't know, random people might be reading this letter to you. lol my bad. Well I mean I don't believe anyone reads my blogs anyways, and well you probably aren't going to read this either, but anyways, I learned a two new songs today. I'm really excited about that. 'Ride' by Cary Brothers, and 'Day n' night' by Kid Cudi. Ride took me awhile to learn but it's really short and simple. Day n' Night was a really easy song to learn, it took me five minutes lol. Except for it's extremely long. And instead of me rapping to the song or whatever, I'm singing it and it sounds ridiculously hilarious, like a hippie trippin on acid or something. I've been waking up really early, or not really but yeah lately it's getting on my mom's nerves, I think it's pretty funny.


Anyways, here comes the huuuuuege long ass paragraph apology that should have been said sooner? This might also sound a bit 'sarcastic' but I'm being serious. But also this seems really lame and all because no one is probably going to read this, even though it's like a virtual diary that has chances of people reading it, but here I go... Today I heard that you got over me, and that you're happy. I don't know why I waited for you to get over me for me to apologize, because this just makes no sense. I am not even sure if I waited for you to get over me. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. This might sound like words all jumble up and stuff, but I haven't really sat down to think about what to blog, It's all improv and spilling out my tiny ass pea sized brain. Anyways, I'm really happy for you and even though you don't want anything to do with me ( I know I know, "where's the apology?", I promise it's coming ) I hope you read this, if not then I guess this is pretty pointless right?


Things I'm sorry for ( that you probably could care for shit now ) :
- Leaving you that long ass picture comment about your sassyness and galore.
- Telling you very disturbing personal shit like 'pissing, shitting, and pissshitting'.
- Long distance calling ( your phone bill must have been jacked up sorry )
- Calling you Flatass that one time when Ryan told me about your dad calling you a Flatass.
- Photoshopping my pictures to make me look like someone hawt and sexy
- Making you sad because of my shitty decisions and false intentions
- Typing up this blog for the whole cyber world to see, that's pretty shitty
- Keeping you up with karaoke when you had school the next day, sorry
- Adding you on myspace because you were cute lol. I'm shallow, well I didn't even know you
- Not telling you about my relationship status right away
- Hurting your feelings and being a fucking monster
- Having sexual fantasies about your sister Jeyla
- Telling Alina about your sammich bag lotion locomotion
- Now mentioning it on here where everyone can read, if they do
- Calling you a douche-bag whore hairy butt crack licking nympho
- Making a voodoo doll of you and sticking a pin on your dick
- Cursing all the time and when you tell me that you're baking brownies
- Not being a reasonable person
- Being a casual bitch with a horrible attitude
- Swearing on your death bed
- Spreading rumors about you and your pillows
- Having sexual fantasies about your mom Amy
- Having sexual fantasies about your family
- Making you upset 25/8
- Having sex with cats
- Never being there for you, when you were here for me 100 percent

I'm sorry Jason Landon Fendi.

Falling Slowly from the movie ONCE , still shivering from the cold

It is literally below freezing point in my bedroom

8:44 am kelly clarkson sean kingston and stuck at home

Today is going to suck big time, like always I'm stuck at home with nothing to do, nowhere to go, and with every possible freedom I have is GONE. What the fuck ever. I'm bored. Today is a good day to take pictures though. Well if anyone is as bored as I am, feel free to text or call me today haha. Wait. I don't get any of those anymore. I get twitter updates and calls from Joey though. Kelly Clarkson just fell off the bar table, bahaha. I'm so hungry. Hungry like the effin wolf man. I feel like eating a whole plate of yummy pasta! I love pasta! PASTA IS DELICIOUS. Well anyways, god I'm deadly bored. The new grapefruit acne scrub is amazing. Oh by the way did I mention there is a stranger in my house, roaming around like a ghost? Freaky, yeah. 1-800-Beaches commercials are so funny. I love the song though. OH MAN, well time to take some pictures. Update later.

MTV should be called RTV seriously

16 and pregnant has been on all day, is it a marathon or something? If so I didn't get the memo. MUSIC TELEVISION, not REALITY TELEVISION. Anyways, since I woke up pretty late today, I didn't get to go to Sam Ash to get my capo and a good deal on a trade. Today turned out to be pretty boring, and now I'm pretty hungry. Well thank my insomnia 'cause I will not be sleeping, So i'll be updating a good 1434693264 times more tonight.

Moderation intepretation and something called I don't give a fuck

WRITER'S BLOCK. WRITER'S BLOCK. WRITER'S BLOCK. So I ended up not going to the drug store with my mom, ha. She ditched me and went to the lake with the family. NOT SMART. I wouldn't go to the lake when I'm on my rag. Seriously, think of all the possibilities. I'M ON A BOAT. WHAT THE FUCK EVER. Well, I'm going to go finish this song, and post it on myspace or youtube, I'm not sure, I usually post it on myspace, rather than youtube, IDRFK. AH GO AWAY WRITER'S BLOCK!

I don't hate your mother, but if I did, god who would blame me?

Shit man, I feel shit-faced. It's 4:00 in the afternooon. Went to sleep around 7 o'clock this morning. Learned 'Pink Bullet' by The Shins, so it was all so worth it. SHAMBAMBALAMB. Well I shall update after I come back from the drug store to stock up on tampons for madre. She goes through them like she goes through apple pie, and shit man, that's a lot!

Following the code of honor and cheating my way through

This will be the last epidemic that I will try to reimburse in. When words fail to meet the stand points, I shall rise up to the point of order, and cry, cry for everyone who hasn't or haven't cried in their youthful years.

If it were up me I'd construct a key that led to your heart

If I were a problem, a mistake, a waste of sand in an hourglass, then push me away, throw me away, let me go, and let hope pick you up again. If you feel discourage, if you feel like I haven't gave you a reason to stay, then I hope you realize that I understand your reasoning.
I'm only human, I'm only one person, I'm only a thought, I'm only a disappointment. Sometimes It'd be easier if you were still here dad, If you could tell me the answer to my problems, but I guess that is a part of growing up, isn't it dad? It's a part of answering to your own problems and to your own reality, isn't it dad? Do you think I'm wrong for saying these things dad? Can you even hear me dad? I'm shaking, I'm upset dad, I feel like I haven't gotten a real chance to cry, until now dad. I feel like breaking from the concrete, I feel like shaky at the knees and I don't like feeling like this dad, I still watch DBZ dad, Instead of talking to you on the phone dad, I talk to myself and pretend that you're on the other line dad. Dad, was I ever a problem, mistake or waste of sand in an hourglass to you? I'm sorry dad, I'm sorry for letting my guards down. I love you. You were the best dad in the world.

Don't feel sorry for me, don't feel the need to say sorry, don't feel the need to comfort. I'm just heart-broken in every way, but its okay. I'm okay. Maybe not, maybe so, but that is for me to know. I guess you have the right to feel however you want, but I feel like you'll just be wasting your time, time is all I need, never did I feel like I've fallen off the face of Earth, never did I feel like my blood is pulsing through my veins and the tears saltier than ever, never did I ever feel guilty for anything until now. Guilt, I admit it, I feel guilt, I feel and I feel but now I do not feel. I do not rely. I do not need. I do not want. I am numb.

When it's my time to leave, I will only leave with happiness, and I hope that is how you left. So many things are being thrown around in my head. I'm shaking I'm shaking I'm shaking, and I'm scared. I'm scared of every thought of you ever being non existing. Every letter you ever wrote, every phone call ever made, every laughter, is all kept in my heart.

What is going on? WHAT IS FUCKING GOING ON? jmmb

Apologies and etc.

Things came up and so I haven't been up to par with updating my blog.


URBAN DECAY :

M.A.C:

jmmb

Family and friends and a bit of stale wine

is called a great fucking time! amen to that. Summer summer summer is finally going alright. late night karaoke. and everything. mmm. airport @ 8 today. fuck. why am I not sleeping yet?

Mars and Pluto combined and alive

If you have read my last blog or two, you'd understand the title of this blog. Currently listening to Aj Rafael and making videos just because. Anyways, hope everyone had a great Fourth of July.



I was looking at some beautiful new summer fabrics that I might be using for some of the new vests and cardigans for R.I.

5:11 am Independence day for everyone

Happy fourth of July! My back is aching like never before. Just sitting here waiting for something. The hanger on my wall is making quite a trend at replacing that old photo. Today, I will sleep til the break of dawn. Or oh no that's like soon. I'm sitting here texting my bff Mykal atm. Geesh. I suck at relationships, and I don't think it's healthy. Not at all. But that's why I think I'm just going to wait off on relationships, for a longgggggggggggggggggggg time. No point in having my feelings crushed every time, although some say you learn from your past mistakes, I say I never learn. Maybe I should mature into one of those so-called social butterflies. I might as well make myself into someone useful and encouraging, other than staying the same and scaring a w a y boys. Anyways, the zit that was the size of Pluto is now the size of Mars. This shit isn't going away for awhile, I can feel it growing and increasing in size by the second and with every tap of a key I make while I'm typing this blog.

Death Cab for Cutie has a way of relieving my stress. I wrote a blog on myspace for the first time in a while, and when I say first in a while, I mean first 'meaningful' blog in a while. I guess I can't help that my feelings are jumbled. Karma is a son-of-a-bitch, let me just tell you that. I don't like it whatsoever. My legs are getting numb from the way I am sitting. bummer man. Fuck love in the butt. { jmmb }

Six thirty two is when I started to write this

Now it's six thirty three. Today surprisingly a couple of relatives are coming over. Surprise surprise. I have this zit on my cheek the size of pluto. Zero calorie diet drinks are so nasty. Unfortunately I only have Diet Mtn Dew in the fridge. I need to go grocery shopping. Then again, I only buy a box of Ramen weekly. I feel bad for my guitar, still waiting to get the replacing string. I'm trying this new deodorant called Soft and Dri. Now I'm not even stupid enough to believe this works, but who knows. They misspelled dry. My television set is no longer in my room, kinda bummed but I'm changing to not become such an addict. I met this new friend, named Kevin and he's in this band called Ghost on 3rd. You should check them out on myspace. Ow, I just sneezed two times in a row. Did you know that your heart stops beating every time you sneeze? Anyways, my stomach is aching cause of this Mtn Dew. I need to drink more water, soda isn't that healthy for you anyways, but hell if I knew what healthy is. I'm so far from it. Wow it's now six forty three, I take too long to write blogs, it's not that I think of things to write, I just write what I'm thinking about. What's on my mind, and such. Today might be a bummed fuck day. Hopefully though, I get something good out of today. Joey is leaving tomorrow, hope he has a safe trip to Virgina and I wish him and his family the best with their loss. Ali is probably hanging out with friends, and being a social guru. Alonzo is probably texting me back from the last text I sent him. Jason is probably going to hang out with Ali today, cause they've made plans. Megan is probably in her home state doing something, like always. Tuna is probably hanging out. Ashley, oh I miss her so much, I hope I hear from her soon. Tammy, she's probably being a workaholic or exercising like always. And there's me. I'm just sitting here completing this blog. Now it's six fifty. And I think I'm done. Oh fuck beans. { jmmb }

Dried up tears stains my cheeks

Hello, hey there, is there anyone out there? I called to the nearest human being that could possibly hear with the pair of ears that every sterile human had been gifted with. Oh I don't have a clue, what the hell I am talking about. But that's the thing, when you start randomly stating incredibly random shit. It suddenly all make sense... well not quite. But oh well. I am human. I breathe the oxygen that the creator has supplied my body and five billion other bodies with. I mourn the rising sun, because nighttime is just much prettier, although the daylight takes my breath away. I'm sitting in a dark room, blogging at 1 in the morning. What is going on? Oh I'll tell you what is going on, teen angst. My phone is charging next to the laptop that I continue to type on, and a can of Diet Mtn Dew is on the other side of laptop that is being of great use right now. My sister is laying in my bed snoring her lungs out. The air conditioning vent is making the most awkward sound I've heard it made yet. I'm sitting on a hard ass chair with my legs crossed Indian style. I wonder what tomorrow has for me to plan. I wonder. I wonder. I wonder. I just remembered why I had to bring a whole box of toilet paper upstairs, that continues to be sitting to the corner of my room; note to self : refill toilet paper roll in bathroom. ; I have to urinate. Oh how rudely and unlady like of me to say to the whole publicity of the cyber world. My bad. It's summer time and I'm at home trying to unblock my Runescape account and make big grown up plans. Oh fart nuggets. {jmmb}